I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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