so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
