ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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