I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
