Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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