dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
only if we run a train.
done.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
