I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
