this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
