Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
