It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
