What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well I just put wine in my tea
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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