i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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