im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
