Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
