Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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