Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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