I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
