I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Randomize
