That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
