The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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