he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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