Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
