Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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