Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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