How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
