I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
