Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
