Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
we're making bets on your personal life
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
