called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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