i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
