I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So vagazzling was a success
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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