i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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