I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The best revenge is premature balding
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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