Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
