if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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