Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
