i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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