just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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