i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
