Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
