I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
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my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
