Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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