Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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