The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
