this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
