So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
