that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm sobbing to NWA
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
