VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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