I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
