cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
